SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
