I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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