You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You are the jesus of drinking
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
