I didn't shave. On purpose
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
