Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Do vagina's smell?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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