If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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