When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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