he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
