fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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