how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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