Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
