Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize