Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
