Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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