Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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