I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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