he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
