I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
