all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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