i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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