Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
