All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
