you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
