i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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