whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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