We're like a lot better than the average bears
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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