She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
