tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
