first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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