is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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