I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
