I will die if light touches me.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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