The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
