I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
