Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
