Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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