I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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