just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I think I died a long time ago.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
