I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Let's get the cat blown out
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
