having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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