who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
