Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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