I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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