I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
