the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
