Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
