I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
