I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
