My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
