i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
