East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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