She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
