I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
