His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
