I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You pole danced in your parka.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
