I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
