I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
she peed on how many people?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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