I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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