I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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