dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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