This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
