Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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